A little disheveled, learning to loosen the grip and still kickin'! This is 39.
Ten years ago, the last year in my twenties, I spent my birthday in Damascus, Syria. And now turning 39, the last year in my thirties, a lot has changed over the course of this decade.
If I could give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be: It’s going to get hard, be kind to yourself.
When I was a kid, I envisioned what my life would look like when I became an adult. I based a lot of it on what my parent’s life looked like. Married at 23. Kids. House. Career. Tall. My parents were not tall people, but I thought I would have a noticeable growth spurt before adulthood. I literally had one growth spurt somewhere around ninth grade that took me from 4 feet, 9 inches to 5 feet, 1 inch.
My mom married my dad at 23 so that seemed like a good age to get married. My dad got married at 34 and that was way too old. I have surpassed him on that. And yes he was 11 years older than my mom.
I don’t know exactly what to write here except I’ve had a lot of changes in my thirties. Friendships. Loss. Job. Churches. And I’m still hopeful that I will be married with kids someday. But here are a few things I’ve learned through all of this change and then I will tell you about my birthday in Syria.
Change is hard, but whether you hold on tight or loosen the grip, it’s going to happen. And depending on what grip you choose, you will either spend all of your emotional energy trying to control the outcome or working through the change. Either way, you will face it eventually.
Dealing with really hard change, that is where I learned the goodness of God. During the hard circumstances. When I lost my dad. I can’t measure or explain how good He is and how rich my relationship is with Him because of some really hard growth through these changes, but the Bible talks all about His goodness. That’s the best place to start.
Sometimes change is abrupt. And we have to adjust quickly, but our emotions don’t always adjust that quick. I don’t think that’s how God created us. I’ve learned that God is about the process and not always the quick fix.
Now, do you want to hear my birthday in Syria?
Here is to my 29th birthday celebration!
I lived in Damascus, Syria for a month and a half the summer of 2010. I studied Arabic for 6 months before travelling, rented a room from an older couple in Damascus and taught English to Iraqi kids at the church down the street.
Learning the basic language really came in handy because I was on my own buying food and going around town. I learned many basic words and could put sentences together. It was so much harder when I was actually there listening to the locals speak to me, though. And whenever I was in a room with friends who were having a conversation in Arabic, I recognized words here and there, but I never knew what they were actually talking about. Mostly. There were a few proud moments I figured out what they were saying. And then I just listened for my name or words I knew. They spoke fast and with an accent, and some words sound different than how I learned them. But I managed. I had to. I think it was most useful when teaching the kids basic English and being able to translate basic Arabic words to them. I didn’t need a translator for that.
The year before, in 2009, I went on a short-term mission trip to Syria with a team from my church and I met a few new friends that I kept in contact with over that year. I was so excited to see them the summer I returned. The kids were at camp for two weeks when I arrived, so it was pretty quiet until they got back. I had one friend still in town. My dearest and sweet friend Jouliana. Jouliana moved to Syria when she was 12 years old after leaving Baghdad, Iraq. She was now 19. Her and her family left before the time of the Iraq War. Jouliana spoke fluent English and was used as a translator at the church. We clicked immediately.
When I got to the airport, a young polish man named Filemon picked me up. He was working at the church as a missionary and going back to Poland later that week. He was also the nephew of the pastor. We took a greyhound style bus from the airport to where I was staying. After arriving to my room at midnight, I slept for about ten hours that night. I was so tired. If you’ve travelled internationally, you understand how exhausting it is.
The next day Jouliana came to visit me and she took me around town buying a few groceries and helped me get familiar with the streets and shopping. That meant a lot to me. During the middle of my trip, Jouliana and her family were accepted as refugees to Vancouver, British Columbia so I had her for two weeks in Syria before she left.
The day I turned 29, it was the last day of my stay in Syria before I would travel back home to Ohio. That morning I went to the computer café down the street to skype with my parents. When the video opened up, my mom and best friend Rebecca were sitting at the table with a cake and lit candles. My dad was standing behind them. They sang happy birthday through the video. They cut the cake and ate it while we talked. They had a birthday party for me. I remember my dad walking past the video eating cake saying, “Happy Birthday, girl,” as he went to sit in his chair in the living room.
I really wanted to spend my last day in Syria with my good friends, Rita and Rana and their family. They were from Baghdad, Iraq also, but they lived there during the war. They left in the midst of everything. I taught the kids for the last time that Friday morning and then we hopped in a minivan which was a part of Damascus’ public transportation system and went to a cake store to buy a cake. The store was in walking distance to Rita and Rana’s house.
After arriving to their house with the cake, giving hugs to their mom and aunts, their dad came home with an amazing Iraqi meal from the restaurant he worked at. He knew I loved this chicken dish with pine nuts, so he brought it specifically for my birthday. I gave Rana my camera to take a video of everyone singing happy birthday to me. But I forgot to turn the video on. When Arabic’s sing happy birthday; excitement and chanting takes place. It was the best happy birthday song I ever experienced. The video would have been amazing, but I had to loosen the grip and let go of longing to have that video forever.
We celebrated for a while then hopped backed into a minivan. They escorted me back to my room and stayed for a little while as we cried some and talked about how much we were going to miss each other.
The time finally came that we said our final goodbyes.
The next morning, I got up super early to head to the airport. I had an overnight layover in London so when I arrived in Heathrow International Airport, I checked into my hotel room – which was in the airport – dropped my bags on the bed, got on the train and walked around downtown London for a few hours.
It went from over 100 degrees in Syria to 60 degrees in London. I found the first sweatshirt shop and layered up. I had to quickly adjust to the change in temperature.