It is well with my soul...well kind of.

Transition ... that's a good word to explain my season of life right now.

It's been 4 and a half months since my dad passed away.   Even though he was sick for five years and we knew he was going die, nothing could prepare us for losing him .  Days, turned into weeks that turned into months of being in total shock that he was gone, as if this new way of life wasn't ours, it wasn't real.  It still doesn't feel real.  It felt like we were waiting for him to come back as if it were a bad dream that would eventually end.   Well, morning came and the dream didn't end. This is my new life, without my dad. 

Weeks ago, I struggled to accept that he's really gone.  I have watched my two and a half year old nephew go through the same stages of grief with the rest of us.  Just a few days ago he said, "Papa's gone," and then he signed. (That's right buddy, papa is gone, but he's with Jesus and he's not sick anymore. He can breathe, he can run, he can play).  I have tried to think of all of my memories with my dad in my mind as if they would bring him back.  I'm beginning to accept he's not here anymore, but will it ever be ok?  Will I ever say, I'm over this pain? Probably not.  

We celebrated his birthday in February.  The first of many without him.  In honor of him, my family shared a meal together at Gervasi, a restaurant that he enjoyed on many occasions. A few days later, we celebrated my mom's birthday.   

I throw around this saying in my head all the time- it is well with my soul. Is it really well with my soul?  Sure, it's well with my soul when I have a minor set back or a bad day, but grief, sorrow, singleness, loneliness?  Is it really well?

I am still trying to accept this saying.  What I do believe, however, is Jesus is thoroughly involved in every aspect of my life.  He is in control. I don't understand it, I don't know why my dad had to get sick and lose his life. It baffles me as to why I am still single.  I'm learning to accept these things and understand God has control over these areas of my life  and I am at peace with that.

The last four and a half months have taught me just that. God is in control and I am not.

One last thing before I go:  I had my first painting class this year.  The pictures from that class are below.

Thanks for reading and take care-

Kelly